Freedom to Play and Learn

March 31, 2004

This fall I read an article describing how some colleges, as part of their freshman orientation, were teaching students how to organize themselves to have fun. Apparently, after spending childhoods that were a series of organized enrichment activities micromanaged by adults, more and more freshmen were coming into their college experience not knowing how to organize an event or activity themselves. It seems that in a quest to develop our children’s “resumés,” we have deprived them of the opportunity to learn how to organize and entertain themselves. While on the surface this may seem to be a small issue, I would contend that we have also deprived them of the opportunity to develop their character, which is built and reinforced through decision making. Each time someone makes a decision, particularly a tough one, he is given an opportunity to reaffirm his ethics.

I have long wondered about the compounding effects of adult-organized activity on children five years of age and older. Jean Piaget observed that children develop their concepts of rules and rule making by playing games. These concepts of rules and rule making are the foundation of the moral development of every individual. Are we developing a culture that limits the opportunities for this type of moral development? I grew up playing pick-up games in every season. In the winter we played hockey on a frozen pond. We had to develop our own rules (no lifting was an important one, since most of us had little or no padding) and apply them (was that shot that pushed the goal marker out of place a goal or was it a post?) We had to make sure that the teams were balanced and everyone was having fun. It was no fun to have lopsided scores, and if we didn’t involve the less skilled players, we might lose them. Besides, most of us were in the less skilled group during at least one season. All of these activities required us to develop and practice critical thinking skills, negotiation skills, and people skills. Each time we had to make a decision, we had a chance to grow and affirm our ethics by coming to grips with such questions as: was that puck really in, or do I want to win a close game? Are the teams truly balanced, or did I argue to put more of the less skilled players on their team because I am tired of losing close games?

Unfortunately, we cannot turn the clock back on all the organized sports and activities that have been developed for our children. Organized leisure activities have become businesses that serve a variety of expectations and aspirations. As parents, we should be aware of the philosophy and expectations of those who are working with our children, and whether they agree with our own expectations. I remember coaching a junior tennis team in a doubles match when one of my players served a ball that was clearly going out of the intended service box. However, rather than hitting the ground, the ball hit the foot of the receiver’s partner, who was standing outside the service box. My team rightfully claimed the point. An argument ensued. The other team claimed that, because it hit the foot of a player clearly outside the correct service area, the serve was out. Both teams came to me for a decision. Rather than make the call, I explained the rule that a ball is not out until it bounces out. Technically, my team could claim the point. I also pointed out that the player on the other team was clearly not aware of the rule, and that he might have moved his foot out of the way more quickly had he understood the rules better. I left it up to them to decide whether to claim the point or offer to replay it. I do not remember how they decided that point, but I do remember the reactions of two different parents. One admired how I had handled the situation and the other excoriated me for not doing my job, by not making the decision for the players. The latter clearly did not agree with my approach to teaching my players about the game and sportsmanship.

I believe we all need to be more aware of the opportunities lost to our children as a result of adult over-involvement in their activities. We should look for opportunities to give children some “down” time from adult organization and give them a chance to explore and organize some of their own activities. The other day my sons had some friends over, and they went out to play. They made up their own game. It had rules I did not understand. They played, they argued, they laughed. They played, argued, and laughed some more. Boy, were they having fun!